wisdom

My personal space is currently being refitted to accommodate the current shift. The current color scheme I’ve chosen is clear. I like this color on me. It’s fresh and palpable in the sense that I can simply and openly experience what is ahead without hiding behind the facade of opacity. I can now believe in nothing. For a moment.

I spend my days and nights caring, loving and living for my son. I do this alone. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Endlessly. I put aside any freedom, personal space or recreation to be teacher, father, doctor, chef, caretaker, nanny and playmate. I wouldn’t exchange it for the world. We spend our time together, wonderfully experiencing life and the wonderful world around us. I work from home, which gives me the freedom to spend as much time as humanly possible with my son – to take afternoon walks in the beautiful desert, to grab a healthy snack or a pastry at his favorite little hang out, where we experience the kind and wonderful people in this small community we call home.

Adaptation, change.

The world is shifting in unexpected ways, quite expectedly. I look forward to the future, the road ahead and all that must be done. I look forward to holiday visits, for my son’s sake. I look forward. Never looking back for too long. I’ve spent too much of my time obsessing over circumstances of the past. There is no puzzle, no predestined path or well written journal of things to come. There never was. ‘Everything happens for a reason’, is really only an excuse for what has already happened. Our feeble way of explaining why some circumstance may have been ill willed, ill fated or horrific. Everything does not happen for a reason. However…

Everything happens.

Others have moved on, moved forward and created a path that is new and fresh. I, too can look forward now, rejecting the past. I can see beyond all the pain, emotional ties and past hopes. I can rise above what was to be – truly ready for what will soon be. I’ve waited too long to look ahead, myself. I believed. I believe. I believe in me.

So, I move forward with love in my heart, hope in my future and with a dream held carefully in my hands.

my dreams are my agent provocateur appointed by my enthusiasm
I am still and stagnant and detached; a silent observer
anticipating the comeuppance

no more