a l o n e
Solitude; enforced, prescribed, commanded – once again.
I’m sure I should epitomize the experience as deafening, however, the silence is illuminating only in the fact that it is so profound. I find no peace in this solitude. I care not to be left with my thoughts, or the muffled sounds of distant life outside these cold walls.
I find no muse in this silence.
There are no predictions, prognostications or revelations found within this noiselessness.
Only wanting.
I long for the sound of tiny feet scampering about; of laughter, joy and high-pitched screeches. I wish to hear a crash or a bang of misguided launch attempts of typically non-airborne playthings. I want my attention to be completely absorbed in a little learning mind.
But instead I discover silence. Albeit temporary.
There have been no morning demands, afternoon refusals or evening songs accompanied by guitar. I will not hear the familiar sound of morning surprise and tales of adventures recently experienced in imaginary lands. I will not be awakened by the thrill of liberated excitement and unfettered delight. No… I will be alone.
Literally, in silence.
Instead, I long for those few moments when electrical impulses were sent hundreds of miles to my ear and I laughed briefly as my heart soared. But those times, too have faded, have been stolen, torn from me intentionally by cold, vindictive hearts born from cruelty and contempt. Misguided plans have been set in motion by blind, weak and young souls.
This musing is not a ploy for pity or sympathy, but rather a discernment of all that has been presented to me. My recognition that in the end, ultimately, I have been and will be alone. I can claw at the air and grasp at the millions of ‘nothings’ that slip through my crooked fingers… but will never catch a single ‘nothing’ to examine. And there is only one to blame. I am left powerless, to my own devices, cold and alone in a dark place, intentionally.
And this is where I will sit quietly.
In silence.
…wanting
to be with you.
